Ambiguously Disgruntled Manifesto

wasting your time since 1975

1/08/2003

If anyone still cares, it�s time for my forecast on how the rest of the NFL Playoffs will proceed.

One of the immutable Sports Laws I have developed over the last few years is that after the first round of the playoffs, everyone�s a Contender. This may seem mundane at first, as obviously everyone alive in the Playoffs still has a Shot, but consider the fact that before the Playoffs start, most observers tend to look at many of the teams and say �Sure, they're in the Playoffs, but they won�t win the Championship."

My point is, after the 1st Round, when there are 4 teams left in each conference, (and we�re talking NHL, NBA, even MLB here� although their postseason Starts with 4 teams in each �conference�) you Must realize the fact that Anyone is capable of Winning it all. In the case of the NFL, it doesn�t matter if you only won 9 games and �Backed in,� what matters is that you are here, it is now, you either have the momentum from a Huge win or the rest of a bye week, and you are ready to roll. After 18 grueling weeks, the wheat has been separated from the chaff, and the 24 poseurs and losers are home.

There is no truer testament to the fact that every game means something in the NFL than this years Elite 8 field. You hear players spout the clich� �we have to play the full 60 minutes� with such numbing regularity that it has reached �we have to give 110%� levels of meaningless. This season, though, the phrase du jour should have been �we have to play all 16 games.� Ask Atlanta and N.J. Jets about that one, or the fact that the Packers squandered a potential bye by tanking it in Week 17, and now they are at home.

The four AFC teams have one important thing in common. They all went through a stretch in the first half of the season where they all absolutely sucked. The Jets and Titans both started out 1-4, winning their opener before sliding to 4 straight losses. The Raiders, for that matter, cruised to 4-0, then slipped to 4-4, while observers the League over openly questioned their age (oldest team in the League). The Steelers, picked by many to be the AFC�s Super Bowl contestant in the Pre-season, looked incompetent in starting 0-2, and were a rather meek 1-3 at the Quarter Pole.

The Steelers' and Jets' seasons were turned around largely thanks to QB changes. Tommy Maddox, of all freakin� people (Tommy Maddox!!??) was the savior in Pittsburgh, probably rendering a final end to the Kordell Stewart Experiment. In NY/NJ, the Jets finally got Wise and benched inconsistent, aging Vinny Testaverde and went with young gun Chad Pennington. They were handsomely rewarded, going on a scintillating stretch run, and Pennington is the best QB playing Right Now. The Titans� well, when your QB is knocking people around, you know you�re tough, and the Raiders seemed the best team, On Paper � Particularly on offense � most of the year.

NJ Jets 14
Oakland Raiders 23
It is So Hard picking against the Jets, especially after thrashing the Dolts last week� but I just think the Raiders are Better.

Pittsburgh Steelers 26
Tennessee Titans 21
Didn�t the Steelers kind of get screwed having to do the Sunday-Saturday game on the road thing? Well, I said after their comeback over the Oranges last week �the Steelers are my team in the AFC.� I�ve gotta stick with it�

AFC Championship:
Steelers 24
Raiders 20
Here�s a news flash for you: The Steelers have every bit as much -- IF NOT MORE � offensive explosiveness as the Raiders. The best three WR set in the NFL: Ward, Burress, and Randel-El, an injured Bus giving way to the two-headed combo of Zeroue/Fuamatu-Maafala (say that 5 times really fast), and I think the Steelers D is Better than the Raiders�!

I can�t find a tidy theme for the NFC like I did for the AFC. Basically, the top 2, Philly and Tampa, get their QB�s back, which should help, although one Must wonder about a possible Ewing theory in Philly, which went 5-1 with A.J.-freakin� Feely (!!???!!) who didn�t even start at Oregon (where he backed up Joey Harrington). The �Niners and Falcons seem to be little more than fodder for these teams. The Falcons may have pounded the Packers � and they certainly deserve credit for that � but who woulda thunk that the Packers would be so strangely incompetent in a Playoff game at Home? The Philly �D� has been downright Buccaneers-esque, and I really think they will shut down Vick. Meanwhile, I don�t know what to say about the 49ers. As ridiculously dramatic as their comeback was last week, I just don�t think they are a �team of destiny,� especially against a Tampa team that has a �2000 Ravens�-caliber defense, and with Brad Johnson at the helm, an offense that is �good enough� (although Hardly impressive� hmm, 2000 Ravens, anyone?). Sorry, folks, I just can�t think of a reason there won�t be a Tampa-Philly NFC championship game (although having said that, watch me be comically wrong).

S.F. 10
T.B. 21

Atlanta 13
Philly 24

NFC Championship:
Tampa 20
Philly 16
Tampa has a serious 2000 Ravens thing going on -- have I mentioned that yet � except they have an offense which is marginally better than the Ravens did � if you can believe that. The question is, can Tampa win a Cold Weather game, and exorcise their �can�t win in Philly� demons? Probably not, and a lot depends on whether Donavan McNabb fully gets his schwerve back. Philly probably wins this game, but I�m picking the Bucs because I�m an idiot, and I picked them a few weeks ago to go to the Super Bowl, and I feel naively obligated to stick with that pick� because I�m an idiot.

Stupor Blow XVCFTHII
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
I have no idea� call me a cop-out, but if this matchup actually Happens I will be so amazed, I won�t even care who I picked to win. So, merely because I started throwing around brazen predictions starting in about week 13 that �Tampa will win it all� I present this forecast:
Tampa 22
Pittsburgh 18
(I have a thing for weird scores in Championship games� don�t ask)

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